Creating an Earth Centred reality for our children
What can parents do in these times of multiple existential crises?
There are many paths playing out right now. We can choose the ones we walk down.
Some choose to believe everything will work out without changing anything.
Some choose to believe the consumer path is enough or all we can do. Some believe they don’t have anything to worry about.
Some choose to believe it is a problem for the distant future and our descendants to worry about, others choose to believe that we are doomed and there is no point doing anything.
Most of these result in little meaningful action or purpose.
The one I choose and that many others are choosing, is that humans are entering an age of ecological, regenerative consciousness, where we have what may be the last opportunity to heal humanity’s relationship with the Earth.
Yes, civilisation and the world are in trouble. And sometimes the grief and fear involved in looking at that can be overwhelming, yet when I look at my children I can’t give up. Someone has to be alive at the end of humanity, if you knew for certain that was you, would it stop you from acting ethically, with intent, authenticity and honour? Should it stop you from seeking deeper meaning and attempting to become whole?
We can shift our perceptions and understanding of the way things are and could be. We can work hard to believe that in the face of uncertainty and destruction we can still take action, we can still be better. We shouldn’t need certainty of success in order to live ethically, authentically, in connection and relationship with the Earth and all our kin. There’s no need to worry about whether or not that will change humanity’s trajectory when it’s just a better way for us to live now. Our task right now is to wake up to the distractions and the churn of modern life and break free.
The place where I truly believe this reality shift can happen is through our parenting choices. I often hear people say “we can only do what we can do” or “I can’t take on all of the grief it might shatter me, I won’t be able to function” and so they do not take on the responsibility of trying to imagine beyond what they know. They do not see reality as a choice, they believe our reality is our reality and we have to live with it. This is a dangerous myth.
The Overton Window describes what is considered acceptable and mainstream within a given society at a particular time. This window can be shifted over time, expanding or contracting to accommodate new ideas or discard outdated ones. In my lifetime it has been shifted drastically around homophobia. Although homophobia is still rife, it is no longer socially acceptable and I can now sit and enjoy watching a beautiful TV show like Heartstopper about young gay teens in love. This has mainly occurred through social discourse, visibility and generational shifts within the 40 years I’ve been witness to. When it comes to rethinking our relationship to the Earth and how we relate, we do not have time to gently shift our Overton Window over many generations. It has to be absolutely shattered in one. Our current Overton window is focused on materialistic, individualistic, consumerism. In order to face the future with resilience, we need to shift to a regenerative, animistic village based paradigm.
Another concept that is helpful in terms of understanding how we create realities for our children is Shifting Baseline Syndrome. Shifting Baseline Syndrome is what we believe is normal for our environmental conditions based on our experience within our lifetime. If you took a human from several hundred years ago and put them down in a forest they knew now they would be horrified at the loss, yet to us, born more recently the change is not so visible. It is down to Shifting Baseline Syndrome that we believe that those non-native plants belong there, that the fields that used to be forests are “nature", that tarmaced roads covering the earth have always been there or that cities with their enormous skyscrapers, bright lights and pollution do not look like a sort of horrifying dystopia. They feel normal to us because we have had them our whole lives, we don’t consider how abnormal they are in the history of the Earth.
Just spend a minute thinking, how drastically has the human experience of the Earth changed from just 100 years ago? What about 1000 years ago? What about 5000? Would I even be able to comprehend my ancestor’s experience of being human on the earth? Their experience of perception, knowledge, imagination, story? Reality is subjective. Deeply subjective. And our human culture shapes our reality so much. Our reality is entirely different now to how it was even when I was born. What do we need to do to raise children who have awareness of this shift, what do we do to restore a healthier baseline of our natural environment?
This morning my son told me he used to be a bird. He liked being a bird, he said. He felt that he was most free. I asked him, is this a memory or is it imagination? “It’s a memory”, he said very confidently. I told him I love hearing his stories from his past lives and secretly, I am also excited and inspired by his ability to shapeshift in his mind. A bird is born from an egg and it’s reality and experience is that of a bird, they come as they are and they do not get shaped by colonialism, patriarchy, capitalism. They fly free. They need not be concerned by the ethics of being a bird. They eat what they eat from the land they live, they fly where they want to fly. They perform their role in the ecosystem. They don’t try to dominate, control or colonise. They just live.
We do not choose how our children come into this world. Our children arrive whole and with their own built in wisdom. Before I had children I really did not appreciate this. I did not understand that they are born with a personality, a sense of humour and a full sense of who they are. That you can look into their eyes the second they are born and see them, what makes them unique, their spark, their light. I did not know that children are not for us to forge or shape, it did not take long for me to understand my role is to guide and facilitate rather than teach. And yet, parents still make choices about how much to interfere, about where the children live, the culture they are embedded in, what ideas they are exposed to and we often impose our beliefs to shape and influence them even when we try hard not to. We have a huge amount of control over their life experiences and the choices we make do matter to how they percieve their reality.
We have parental power and we know it. We can choose how to wield that power and we can do it consciously and carefully. Some choose to do a parental performance, doing what they believe others want to see of them, demanding their pleases and thank yous. Some work hard to do the inner work of parenting, healing intergenerational wounds and working everyday to become more conscious, more gentle, more empowering parents. But often we don't consider our family culture, often we just flow with the overculture like a river, because it feels too hard not to. And it is hard, that’s kind of the point. That’s how we ended up here.
As parents, we can create a reality that gifts future generations with ancestral and new ways of seeing and being—a world where perception and imagination are real and valued. We do not have to do a lot of things to start redesigning the future for our children. We just have to make enough changes that they can take the Overton Window shift forward into the next generation. We can take on the things we can take on, we can be compassionate and accepting towards ourselves when we can’t do it all. We’ve not been able to take on the task of re-designing our diet yet, it feels far too difficult with very young children and a food and water system that is damaging and unethical at every turn and every level. Yet we are committed to loving and honouring the Earth and we are committed to make changes. Once we start making small changes, new small changes become clear.
One small decision that led to a huge shift for us was when we embraced the power of herbal remedies. My baby could not drink calpol, even diluted it made him projectile vomit. One night he was so uncomfortable with a fever I knew he needed to sleep but he was crying so much, so I turned to the the garden to see if there were herbs that could help. I researched, I selected some yarrow and made a tea. He had a few sips and then I gently applied it to his skin. He was cooler, calm and asleep within 10 minutes. Something that others would have seen as a weed, maybe removed or at least passed by had a very fast almost magical effect. Instead of rushing out in the car to the supermarket to buy something else in a packet, Yarrow that had been in my garden for free all along helped us. Rather than rely on pharmaceuticals we now find alternatives that make us feel more grounded and whole, leaving pharmaceuticals for when they are really really necessary. We know more about the plants that grow in our garden, we hold all plants in high esteem rather than ripping them out of the ground if they haven’t grown in a place we deem fit. When the kids are ill I invite them to ask the plants which would be willing to help. One seemingly simple decision has led to multiple smaller decisions around our reality and how to live in relationship with the plants and our land rather than ownership of them. This is primarily the shift we need to make, away from ownership and consumption to relationship.
Ultimately, these changes are all about living in line with our values, leaning more deeply into being alive on the Earth, rather than alive in human constructs. These changes are beneficial to us, the Earth, our kin and our children. With self awareness and conscious decision making, when it comes to shifting our realities, whatever the outcome, I know we will not have regrets about trying to shift our family’s to being more Earth centred.
Together, may we weave a tapestry of resilience, consciousness, and interconnected wonder for the generations yet to come. Can you imagine this reality into being for our children? Can you imagine a place where the rhythms of nature guide our parenting, where the voices of our animist ancestors echo in our choices, and where the laughter of children resonates with the heartbeat of the Earth. Can you imagine a way of raising our children that composts all of the separation and disconnection of modernity into a grounded, connected way of being, where they are liberated to follow their stardust and feel deeply rooted in Earth centred ways of seeing? Can you imagine a world where children are raised knowing that the land speaks, the plants are our friends, the rocks are our ancestors and all that composes life on Earth is deserving of consent, reverence and respect? Can you imagine a whole new way of being for your family, one that walks the fine lines between awareness, agony and awe, where our eyes are open to our predicament, and we face it with courage and purpose?
If you would like to contribute to the discussions and how to shift this paradigm, subscribe and comment so we can connect! If you want to support my work in shifting this paradigm do consider donating to my work via this Substack.